my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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