Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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