I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
do herpes really smell.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
