I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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