I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
