I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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