I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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