If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
