first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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