you have to choose: penises or morals?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
