i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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