just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
please come you make the beer taste better
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
