we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
