This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
