i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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