I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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