D3 body, D1 cock
Girls should come with a carfax report
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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