See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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