At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
