Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
