I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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