how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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