He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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