The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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