Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
