You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
