do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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