There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
