Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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