Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
not ubering you a puppy
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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