maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We're using joints as your birthday candles
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
