well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
