david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We have started to decorate penises.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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