Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
