it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
