why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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