would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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