Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
