Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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