So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
