shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
