We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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