I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
