i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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