Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
