If i come over, it means nothing
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
