I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize