We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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