hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
