I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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