If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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