$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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