I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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