I'm going to jail i love you
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
