I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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