DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
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