i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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