Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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