dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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