Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
