I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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