look no pants
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
