As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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