I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
