Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
