apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
