i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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