My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
