She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Let's get the cat blown out
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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