I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
