im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
