i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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