You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
