We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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