I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize