you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
