There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
